Retraces
by JAE NI
Summary: "Never thought I'd walk on this street again; standing where it all began" Drabbles written for the Pandora Hearts Positivity Month
1. a song

**written for day 8 - lacie baskerville**

* * *

She's like a song.

Penetrating, inconstant, cadent.  
When she's there nothing else is, and when she leaves everything is dead silent.  
Colorless, lightless, soundless, lifeless.

Everyone listens to her, but no one owns her, no one has her; no one can hold her longer than the song lasts. And when the music is over everything else also is.

She's like a song, a melodic presence that knows it's going to reach the end eventually, but never misses the rhythm, never changes the tune. She's taking her time, perfectly doing her performance, singing every note with all the life that she's got left, before the curtains fall and it's too late for any songs.

 _"_ _What is it called?"_

She's like a song, flowing through their minds, making them addicted to her, and then leaving them alone to cry in their misery. Soft and sneaky, calming and cunning. Slowly getting them attached to beautiful welcoming chains, restraining them forever, so they are never able to follow her, never capable of bringing the song back once it's over.

She sings and then she's carved in their minds. Buried so deep that they can never fully erase the melody and forget her. You can't escape once you hear her.

 _"_ _Then how about 'Lacie'?"_

She's like a song.

She floats, she dances; and then she's out of reach.


	2. a story

**writen for day 16 - xerxes break**

* * *

every story is special in its own way, but yours has the ability of taking everyone's breath away.

 _words alone aren't enough to describe it…_

you have enough burdens and reliefs for your shoulders, but more than unbearable for most. you live for one purpose, and yet sacrifices it for the small and fragile things you treasure.

you lost too much, but what you gained is more than you deserve to recompense for it. and as the sun shines upon your cold body you know that you don't regret any of your choices. they will move on just like you did in the past, and sun will shine like it did for you back then.

it's a beautiful ending, too beautiful for someone like you. and despite not wanting it to come right now, you have no choice but accept it.

you're not immortal after all, just have been cheating death for too long. and you're not invincible either, just haven't found someone stronger that you yet.

(even death couldn't fully break you)

every story comes to a rest, and now it's your turn.

your story is long, longer than most. and it's filled with tragedy, but also beautiful moments. anguishing reminiscences with screams of despair, healed by warm memories full of laughter and joy.

your story is remarkable and unique, heartbreaking in its own way. singular, notable, and as remarkable as the kind of man you once were.

and now it is done.


	3. a hero

**written for** **day 14 - elliot nightray**

* * *

accepting his past, his mistakes. taking all his sins as a part of him, choosing to endure the pain and the punishment, rather than drown everything into oblivion.

 _such a noble boy…_

an heroic act, for his pride, for his honor, for the sake of those he wished to protect. how could he make them suffer even more? managing the whole situation alone, taking the entire responsibility into his hands just to protect them, like any hero would.

(some heros must fall)

it was the right thing to do, assuming his crimes. and as a honest noble boy he wouldn't let anyone else do this in his place. accepting his burden, refusing to share it with someone else. it's his, and his alone, he won't have anyone walking beside him.

 _his soul, noble even on death_

and by taking the burden of the forgotten past on his tired shoulders, now he faces the loneliness of his new path. the first one to go down - too soon. but he wouldn't forgive them if they tried to follow him, after all.

 _silence alone shrouds him_


	4. a man

**written for** **day 15 - oscar vessallius**

* * *

the sufferings,  
the losses,  
the broken hearts,  
and the grief,  
a man endures.

the arguments,  
the strifes,  
the broken bonds,  
and the hostility,  
a man forgets.

the treasons,  
the mischiefs,  
the broken values,  
and the exploit,  
a man forgives.

the dreadful creature,  
the insecure child,  
the kind-hearted,  
and the malicious one,  
a man loves.

 _and to you, the man who forgave and loved everything,_  
 _farewell_


	5. a sinner

**All right, this one wasn't written for the PHPM, but I just couldn't write all those drabbles and not write a piece for my precious bastard son, Vincent Nightray, so this is the last one. Enjoy your reading and please tell me if I made any mistake.**

* * *

your hands are stained with blood. red blood.

but it wasn't your fault, was it? all you wanted was to protect someone. they can't blame you for that, can they? it wasn't intentional, so it wasn't a crime, right?

right?

but the fire burns all around you, it burns red while it devours the walls that surrounds you. the trail of dead bodies surround you, drowned in their red blood.

"it's not my fault." you whisper to yourself.

but why does it feel like it is?

why does your body glows red?

you walk in a graveyard now, a living one among the dead. and it's all a reflection of you, a proof that only brings despair wherever you go.

why does everything glow red? _child of misfortune_

"you killed us", they tell you

"it wasn't my fault", you try to argue. you don't believe yourself.

it's all red. (it's all the color of your cursed right eye)

it's all an illusion, you know. this isn't happening, at least not now.

this is just a memory, a cold and dead remembrance of the past.

a memory you tried to bury with you in your grave.

"it wasn't my fault" you keep saying. you're just a child again and the memory is alive and it hurts you. it all hurts you, including the warm touch of your brother.

(you might stain him red, as well)

you're ready to die, aren't you? you're sick and tired of the trail of red blood you've left behind you, so you're just waiting for someone to finally pull the trigger.

(you're ready for it. you've been ready all this time)

"i'm ready to die." you try to scream to the shadows that remain motionless around you. they can't touch you, they won't touch you. they won't send you down to your tomb and silent your nightmares, they won't allow you to erase your past (all of it) and give peace to everyone (to himself).

but the truth is that you actually don't want to die.

you just never wanted to live, right?

in this case, it's pretty easy to give your life away, isn't?

"then give it to me!"

red clashes with green and you're suddenly being cornered. by a woman, of all people.

(what is she doing here?)

she's loud, and she's always talking, always crying, always laughing, always annoying. she's always smiling at you like you're the best thing that ever happened to her, so naïve that makes you want to roll your eyes.

but then she looks at you (those pure eyes) and speaks to you (those pretty words) and you try to run away, try to keep her at bay. she must not come any closer, otherwise she'll take you out of balance, she'll make you lose your train your thought and you won't be able to finish your job. you shout, you crawl back, you try to threaten her, but she doesn't stop moving, she doesn't get intimidated, and soon enough she has her arms around you.

her warm arms are around you, and you can't keep running away anymore. because those words now seem to be your only salvation, and you hold tight to them. you allow her warmth to surround and free you, and even though you two are surrounded by the destruction you brought upon yourself she doesn't let you go.

you know she'll never let you go.

then you allow yourself to be absolved from your mistakes, you allow yourself to surrender to her warmth, to cry on her shoulders like a child you once were before everything was taken away from you. you allow yourself to grow soft on her arms and be delivered from the pain of your guilt.

the red still surrounds you, and your past still exists. your cursed eye doesn't change its color and the dead bodies haven't left your memory.

but now you don't have to worry.

you can set your misery and our doubts aside and rest your heart.

let you burden go.

you're forgiven.


End file.
